Morning
I’ve got to tell you how I love you always I think of it on grey mornings with death in my mouth the tea is never hot enough then and the cigarette dry the maroon robe chills me I need you and look out the window at the noiseless snow At night on the dock the buses glow like clouds and I am lonely thinking of flutes I miss you always when I go to the beach the sand is wet with tears that seem mine although I never weep and hold you in my heart with a very real humor you’d be proud of the parking lot is crowded and I stand rattling my keys the car is empty as a bicycle what are you doing now where did you eat your lunch and were there lots of anchovies it is difficult to think of you without me in the sentence you depress me when you are alone Last night the stars were numerous and today snow is their calling card I’ll not be cordial there is nothing that distracts me music is only a crossword puzzle do you know how it is when you are the only passenger if there is a place further from me I beg you do not go
Frank O’Hara
hmm i don’t know if what we want really exists, only that we want, and are always wanting and needing. every desire satisfied leads to a new hunger; every dream fulfilled means another mouth open… i’m too sleepy to finish this thought zzzzzzZZ
…
of all my fucked up nightmares
you are
still
my favorite
…
in the various degrees of being wrong, i don’t know how wrong i am, but i know i’m never all right
the boy with the thorn in his side, behind the hatred there lies, a murderous desire for love
mom n dad
life can seem so dreary. like watching the same surprise ending of a movie, over and over again. sometimes i forget about the phenomenon of encounters — that simple magic that exists in the forces that attract people to each other. Not physical attraction in the everyday sense we’ve given to it, u know, you’re hot, i’m hot - we should definitely fuck …. not that sort of physical attraction. something more like magnetism - matter being compelled toward matter
we’re all complex arrangements of elementary particles - that’s what humans are atomically/ structurally, we’re just matter, dust particles — and regardless of where in the world our particles were assembled, how far away from each other we were born, that simple magic -call it destiny, fate, chance, or mere coincidence, a bad decision, good luck, an accident, kismet, planes, trains, automobiles, a frat party, a dating site, the Industrial Revolution, any revolutions; the very course of history unfolding - all these mimic electromagnetic fields bringing our particles together- creating opportunities for us to meet- these are the pumpkins and rats turned into coaches and coachmen by faery godmothers in our personal faery tales
your eyes met mine, i lost my breath, and felt pieces of me disintegrate, falling away like rocket boosters from a shuttle, like electrons lost in the bonding of atoms
in our present dimension, it seemed we looked into each others’ eyes for only seconds, but in the space-time continuum of parallel universes, it lasted several light years. and in that very instance, as our particles formed the new complex arrangement of “us” - that being the shape our relationship was to take. without us being aware of it, we had both mentally decided that we would become lovers - definitely, friends, and more, or maybe less. we sensed possibilities in each other - a future - maybe a long one, maybe short-lived, we didn’t know consciously the exactly details, but whatever we would become was decided in that very moment … cosmically
so we met up
I almost forgot why I hate people so much
THANKS FOR THE REMINDER
